Business Book Club: Maybe Your Should Give Up
I've set myself a goal to blog about the books I read. I will extract wisdom from the best business and personal development books I've read and share it with you.
This time around I’m reading Maybe You Should Give Up by Byron Morrison
About the book
Byron Morrison describes looking back on himself in 2014 and realising the ways in which he was getting in his own way. He decided to give up. Not on his goals or his ambitions, but to give up on some of the habits and mindsets that were holding him back.
He describes seven mindsets you should let go of or ‘give up’ in order to get to where you want to be. He also has some tips about what you can do to move on from those.
He describes why some of the traditional self-improvement methods don't work. He talks about how setting the goal, creating your vision, and just trying harder, doesn't work and he goes into reasons why you might not be willing to give up and move forward.
‘Boulders’
The author describes the first two things you should give up as being like boulders we have to carry around with us. So the first thing to do is get that weight from off our backs.
1 Being Reactive
Byron talks about cause and effect. He describes the difference between a reaction and a response. A reaction is impulsive but your response should be something more considered. Between an event and your response is the opportunity to choose. The recommendation here is to look at your internal dialogue and look for ‘language traps’. For example:
Saying that someone else makes you feel a certain way instead of thinking that you've chosen to feel that way.
Saying, “I'll try” to do something. You are either going to do it or you won't
Saying “If X happens, then I will do Y”.
We have a choice about how we behave. So the first thing to do is to put yourself in the driving seat and accept that while you can't control the events, you can choose your response.
2 Letting Fear Control You
The second Boulder is letting fear control you. The author points out three key areas in which people might be fearful.
Fear of failure
Fear of success
Fear of judgment
He suggests reframing the fear and gives some great steps for getting it in proportion. Most fears are not as bad as we think they are. When we get them in the right place and think about them in positive terms, we can normally move beyond them.
‘Rocks’
Now we move on to our rocks. Byron describes these as things weighing heavy on you, slowing down your progress.
3 Short-term Thinking
Focusing on short-term comfort at the expense of long-term goals. Many people focus on short-term comfort, whether that's comfort food, not going to the gym, or putting off pursuing the things they want. It feels good at the time because we get comfort, but we don't get any closer to where we really want to be.
One of the suggestions for how to deal with this is to work out where you really want to be. If we can create a compelling future for what we really want, we know where we're headed, we know why we're going there, and we know the benefits of doing it, it doesn't seem like such a trade-off when we forgo short term comfort for the long term gain.
4 Fixating on the Future
The author highlights three main ways we do this.
Focusing on what will go wrong.
Worrying about what might go wrong.
Living in the future (without ever taking strides forward).
A useful tip here is to reverse engineer our goals. Think about our vision and future goals and work backwards from that future point all the way back to the very first steps. Byron also suggests remembering what you've been through. You've been through challenges in the past. You've had successes before, and compared to what you're going through now, you've probably been through similar or maybe even harder challenges.
5 Comparing yourself to others
The author explores the many reasons why we might be encouraged to compare ourselves. He talks about influences such as marketing, social media, and how adverts are designed expressly to generate a fear of missing out.
He also asks readers to consider if their comparisons are helpful. You might be comparing yourself to an impossible hero. He describes a client who admires Elon Musk. He wants Elon’s success, but can he survive on four hours sleep? Is that what he really wants? Learn to spot your triggers and remove yourself from those triggers if you can.
The final tip here is to focus on what you really want. If you compare yourself to others, what they have, what they do, and what they've achieved, you’ll probably feel bad by comparison. But you might not want their outcomes either. So compare yourself against where YOU want to be.
‘Pebbles’
The ‘pebbles’ aren't as heavy as the boulders or the rocks, but they are that little stone in your shoe which will irritate the hell out of you and impede you on your journey.
6 Being Hard on Yourself
Byron describes four key ways in which you might be too hard on yourself.
Trying to be perfect
Dismissing your progress
Taking criticism to heart
Defining who you are based on your success
A key tip here is to be aware of what you want. Focus on your own vision andthe impact of your behaviour in regards to that. Is this being hard on yourself really helpful? Chances are, it's holding you back.
The other tip here is to be compassionate towards yourself. That's easy to say and hard to do. The author recognises that this is something that might take time, particularly if you've had a whole lifetime of being hard on yourself, but there are some good tips in the book about how to do it.
7 Putting off your happiness
Lots of people imagine their happiness in this far-off distant place. But there's no reason why you can't start working towards it now. The author describes a couple of things that people do which exacerbates this problem.
Putting others' needs first: “When I've helped other people, then I'll be happy,”
Confusing happiness with positivity: Simply repeating positivity quotes might feel good at the time, and maybe it even gives you a dopamine hit, but it won’t really make you fulfilled or happy in the long term.
The author suggests three steps to overcome this:
Prioritise yourself: This is something I tell my own clients. You can't pour from an empty cup. By putting yourself first, not only does it help you, but it can help others too.
Know the best version of yourself: What I like about this is that it focuses on who you are being as well as what you are doing and what you are having. Be the person who does the things you want to do.
Be Present: Focus on what is good now.
Again, if you've had a lifetime of doing these negative habits. It might take a while to shake them off, but it can be done.
What did I think of the book?
So overall, what did I think of the book? Well, I think it's a good guide for anyone feeling stuck. I liked the fact the author goes deep into the cause of why people hold themselves back. Rather than just saying, “Try harder” or “Aim higher”, he goes into the forces working against you getting out of your own way. I also liked the fact he encourages people to think about what they really want, why they want it, and who they need to be in order to get to where they want to be.
The book covers a number of different mindset shifts that will help people to achieve their goals. I think if you are familiar with the world of self-development, there won't be much new in there for you. I think you'll probably have come across these ideas before. However, it will be a valuable read if you know those things, but you've slipped into bad habits, or for anyone who's new to the subject and is feeling really stuck.
